Old Friends

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!" "Oh NO! I've just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you've been calling me fat?!?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I've also heard that you're saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"

Parrot Calls It As It Is

A man and his wife were walking into the pet store. As they approached the door, the man noticed a parrot on his perch staring at his wife. As they passed by the man asked the parrot, "What?" The parrot replied, "That is the ugliest woman I have ever seen!" On and on the parrot went about the man's wife. Soon the pet store owner came out and beat the parrot and exclaimed, "Don't you ever talk that way to my client's again!" and slams the parrot upon his perch. After a short while the couple has finished their shopping and start out of the shop. Again, the man notices the parrot staring at his wife and exclaims, "What!?" To which the parrot whispers, "You know what!"

Yo Mama - Portrait Studio

Yo mama so ugly, it is now against store policy at WalMart to serve her at the portrait studio as it constitutes as cruel and unusual punishment.