The Cellist

Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?
A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.

Yo Mama - Weigh Station

Yo mama so fat, when she's on the highway, she has to stop at the weigh station.

Rectum Stretcher

Pulling up to the toll both Jack handed the collector a $100.00 bill. Looking incredulously at the bill, the collector, in a snappy tone, exclaimed "I can't break this! I need exact change." "Come on buddy." Jack pleaded, "Can't you give me a break, just this once?" "Nope. Sorry. Exact change!" Answered the collector. "While thumbing through the change in his ashtray Jack asked the collector, "Do you really like this job?" "Well it's not the best job that I've ever had, but it pays the bills," replied the collector. "what do you do for a living?" he asked. Still counting change and without looking up Jack said, "I'm a rectum stretcher." "A what?" asked the collector. "A rectum stretcher." Jack replied, giving the collector a sideways glance. "What does a rectum stretcher do?" The collector asked. "Well just as the name implies, I stretch rectums." Jack explained setting aside a nickle. "Wow, is there much call for that kind of work?" The collector asked. "Oh you'd be surprised. It's real popular with the upper crust, the high society people, the jet set. It's the new trend." Jack said. Pausing for a moment the collector then asked, "Well if you don't mind me asking, I mean if it's not too personal, how big do you, well you know...?" "...How big do I stretch them?" Jack interrupted. "Most of them, not too big," He continued, "but I have stretched some up to six feet." "SIX FEET!" The collector exclaimed eyes wide, and jaw slack. "Six Feet. What is someone going to do with a six foot asshole?" Jack, having counted out the exact change, handed the change to the collector. Looking him in the eye, Jack answered, "Oh, put it on a toll bridge collecting tolls."