You're Different

You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant.

Bad Golfer

Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!"
Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir!"

A Work of Art

A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye."What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that?" He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." "Well, then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it?"