Double Feature

Yo mama so cross-eyed, she went to a movie and thought it was a double feature.

Respect For The Dead

I believe in respect for the dead, in fact I could only respect you if you were dead.

What Will the Neighbors Think?

Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place. "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"  "Probably that I married you for your money."