Cheap Gift Insult

Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

English Team visits Orphanage

The England Football team visited a Brazilian orphanage this morning. 'It's a heartbreak to see their sad little faces with no hope' said Jose, age 6.

Insults

• He demonstrates that beauty times brains is a constant.
• He donated his brain to science but they made an early withdrawal.
• He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
• He knows computers... He's not fit for contact with humans.
• He writes blank checks on a closed account.
• He'd screw up a two-car funeral procession.
• He's a General Protection Fault trigger.
• He's a man on a mission, but can't find his dossier.
• He's diagnosable .
• He's not a complete idiot -- some parts are missing.
• He's not stupid he's possessed by a retarded ghost.
• He's so dense, light bends around him.
• He's so dense, the Titanic wouldn't sink in his head.
• Hears everything that a dog can.
• Hears more lyrics on records when they're played backwards.
• Her access time approaches infinity.
• Her ancestors came to this country looking for bananas.
• Her blender doesn't go past "mix".
• Her brain has a corrupted file system / someone needs to reformat her brain.
• Her brain is more like a Rube Goldberg device than a computer.
• Her cache is incoherent.
• Her dentist went deaf from the drill's echoes.
• Her dialing thumb must be broken.
• Her ears serve the same function as holes in a dribble glass.
• Her files are compressed 100%.
• Her head needs a periodic whack on the side.
• Her input pipe is broken.
• Her interrupt handler hit a loop.
• Her leads need resoldering.