Jacko Bag

Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is made of plastic, and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries.

If Timex Ran Christmas

If Timex Ran Christmas, the holiday would be cheap, small, quartz-crystal driven, and would let you take a licking and keep on shopping.

Gift for The Wife

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. "Thats still quite a bit," Tom groused. Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle. Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap. "So the clerk handed him a mirror.