Insult Collection

• Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker.
• People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of.
• Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!
• We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
• When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.
• The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.
• You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it.
• All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?
• I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin
• There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest.

Blonde Lumberjack

A blonde travels to Canada to seek her fortune as a lumberjack. She meets a foreman of a logging organization who offers to give her a job. "Now, I hope you realize we expect you to cut down at least 100 trees a day," the foreman told her. The blonde woman didn't see this as a problem, so she went out with the Chainsaw and did her best. She came back drenched in sweat. "Geez lady, how many trees did you cut down?" asked the foreman. "6" she replied. "What!? You have to do better than that. Get up earlier tomorrow!" So she did. Out she went with the chainsaw, she came back that night exhausted. "How many this time?" asked the foreman. "12" she said. The foreman says, "That does it. I'm coming out there with you tomorrow morning!" The next morning, the foreman reaches the first tree and says, "This is how to cut down trees really quickly." He pulls the rope on the chainsaw and it gives off a loud BRRRRRRUUUMMM. He notices the blonde is looking at him frantically, so he asks her what's wrong. She replies, "What the hell is that noise?"

Canadians Roofing

Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder. "I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder." "What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light." "What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."