I Marked The Spot

Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow." The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?" His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat." The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?"

A Bunch of Better Idiots

These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be invented.

• "Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?"
• "Do you have that book by Rushdie: 'Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")
• "I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?"
• "Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?"
• "Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?" hmmm... I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen... do you?
• "I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck." (No... that's your brain miss-firing.)
• "I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months." (I know... how about shooting yourself? That would get you life in prison!)
• "I need a color photograph of George Washington." (Ok... hold on... I'll check with the caveman...)
• "Is the basement upstairs?" (Asked at First Floor Reference Desk) This one gets the golden stupidity award!

Insult Collection

• Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?
• I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?
• You have an inferiority complex -- and it's fully justified.
• You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse!
• Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.
• I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
• Whom am I calling "stupid"? I don't know. What's your name?
• Take a vacation go to Club Dead.
• Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.
• You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.
• You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime.
• You grow on people -- like a wart!