Commanding the Dumb

As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you dummies fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.
The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"

Two Men Vacation in the Desert.

Two men went to the desert for a vacation. They rented a camel and headed out. Five days later they came back but without the camel. The man who had rented them the camel was very upset and screamed, "Where is my camel?" They replied, "Well, we were riding along when we kept hearing people say, 'Look at the two assholes on that camel!' So finally we got off to take a look and the damn camel ran away!"

Ugly Toad

Q: What did the witch say to the ugly toad?
A: "I'd put a curse on you but it looks like someone already beat me to it"!