Lawyer Loopholes

Q: Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died?
A: He was looking for loopholes!

A Man Encounters a Friend

A man encounters a friend and sees that his friend's car is total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, "What's happened to your car?" "Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer." "OK," says the man, "that explains the blood, but what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?" "Well, I had to chase him all through the park."

Refusal to Speak

A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"