End of the World Reports

When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?

• USA Today: WE'RE DEAD
• The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS
• National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN
• Playboy: GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE
• Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE
• Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE
• Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER
• Wired: THE LAST NEW THING
• Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR
• Readers Digest: 'BYE
• Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?
• TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!
• Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!
• America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.
• Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE
• Microsoft's Web Site: IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE,DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE

Bumper Stickers 21

• Gravity - It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
• Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
• Life is too complicated in the morning.
• All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
• The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
• My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you" ... I'm sure going to miss her.
• Ask me about my vow of silence.
• Today's subliminal message is: ( ) 

Real News Headlines - 2

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

• Stud Tires Out
• Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
• Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
• Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
• British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
• Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
• Eye Drops off Shelf
• Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
• Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead