Oprectomy

KENMORE HOSPITAL
61 COMMONWEALTH AVE.
BOSTON, MA. 02115
DATE:____________NAME:____________ADDRESS: ____________
Please be advised that your Oprectomy operation is scheduled for_______________, at ___________(a.m.)(p.m.). The purpose of this extremely delicate operation is to sever the cord that connects your eyes to your rectum and hopefully get rid of your shitty outlook on life. 
Sincerely, J. Grabber, M.D.
Kenmore Hospital

Signs and Notices 03

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations:
At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."
In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.-Sisters of Mercy"
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."
In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."
In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."
In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."
In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."
In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"

IMCA registered unicorn mare

Craigslist Ad:
5 year old white unicorn mare, broke to ride, some trail experience. Friendly with humans and dogs, should be kept separate from horses because they get jealous. International Mythical Creatures Association registration parchment scroll on hand, can only be read under the light of a full moon so come on the 18th. Poops some glitter, mostly just poop though.
Serious inquiries only, please.