Wise Cooking Advice

This weekend, I discovered a cooking tip I haven't seen listed in any cookbooks. While you are preparing the food, and after the guests have arrived, you contrive to fill the house up with smoke, preferably enough to get at least two smoke detectors going. Then you go rushing about the house, opening all the windows, setting up fans, and generally doing everything short of calling the fire department. Let the guests sit for about 1/2 hour at 50 degrees (as a result of opening the windows) and serve the food. By this point, you have established expectations in your guests' minds that you can't fail to exceed!

Tyson Burger

New Tyson burger: There is a piece of the champ in every bite!!!

Impressive Jobs

When I'm trying to impress a girl, I tell her I work in the oil business for one of the world's biggest companies.
Sounds better than "I make the fries at McDonalds"