Mother-in-Law

English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation.

Unintended Outcome

Last Saturday night we were dressed and ready to go out to a party. We turned on a night light, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
Because we knew we would be having a few drinks, we called a taxi. As we walked out the door the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, saying "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later I get into the cab.
'Sorry I took so long,' I said as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!'
The silence in the cab was deafening. 

Groom's Mother

A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the usher. "Are you a friend of the bride ?" he asked. "Certainly not," she snapped, "I'm the groom's mother."