Un-American

Q: What's the difference between Nike and the Nazis?
A: The Nazis respected their flag.

Stranded on an Island

A Canadian, an American and a Chinese man are stranded on a deserted island. The Canadian tells the others that he will be in charge of food. American volunteers to be in charge of water and the Chinese man says he will be in charge of supplies. They split up to do their jobs and decide to meet up later. When the Canadian and the American return, there is no sign of the Chinese man. Days pass by, but they still can't find their friend. One day as they are walking along a path, the Chinese man jumps from the bushes and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

Watching Baywatch

10 Things People Around the World Learn About Americans by Watching Baywatch

1. American men and women spend 15 percent of their days running in slow motion along the beach.
2. Americans almost drown an average of two times each hour.
3. Despite the habit of breathing water, CPR always works and no one actually dies, except from cancer.
4. People in the U.S. look thoughtfully at the ocean for an average of 15 seconds after being told anything of any importance.
5. Americans never worry about getting enough to eat, but fat people are unreliable and sometimes evil.
6. Most American women have abnormally large breasts that are worshipped via close-ups for an average of two minutes and thirteen seconds per hour.
7. When swimming in California, you are more likely to be attacked by jewel thieves or taken hostage by terrorists than you are to drown.
8. Most activity that takes place off the beach occurs in montages and lasts no longer than two minutes.
9. Although Americans, especially lifeguards, complain that they are poor, they all have expensive sports cars and luxurious homes.
10. Motorboats, unlike cars, will not talk back to David Hasselhoff.