A Catholic Litany

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest. somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd----no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. "A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age. "Mr. Policeman,"  says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic.  But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Elizabeth's Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man." The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to where the dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice :"Under the B, 4. Under the I, 19. Under the N, 38.Under the G, 54. Under the O, 72. . ."

Put Your Pants On Backwards

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and
noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My daddy doesn't wear his collar like that." The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many." The boy said, ''My dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!" The priest, getting impatient, said. "I am the Father of hundreds", and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."

Pope and Lawyer

The Pope died and went to heaven. When he got there, he found a lawyer in line in front of him at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter came over and told the Pope, "Just a minute, I'll be right back". At that, Saint Peter took the lawyer away. When Saint Peter came back, he told the Pope, "Follow me to your new quarters." Along the way they passed many people in their heavenly abodes, and they happened to pass by the quarters of the lawyer who had preceded Saint Peter through the Pearly Gates. The Pope was awe - struck by the opulence and splendor of the lawyer's quarters. There were fine silks, rare foods and drinks, soft music, and attractive young women to serve him for eternity. Saint Peter and the Pope finally arrived at the Pope's new quarters. The Pope looked in and saw a 6 foot by 9 foot room with bare walls, a plain bed and a Bible for entertainment. The Pope said, "I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I am wondering why the lawyer gets such a magnificent room and I get this small room. Saint Peter said, "Well, you see, we have a great many popes here in heaven, but only ONE lawyer."