Man In Pub

A man walks into a pub with a neck brace around his neck. He asks for a pint. The bartender gives him one. Then the man asks, "Who's in the lounge?" The bartender replies. "15 people playing darts." The man says, "Get them a pint too." Then he asks, "Who's upstairs?" The bartender replies, "150 people at the disco." The man says, "Get them a drink too." The bartender says, "That will be $328 please." The man says, "Sorry but I haven't got that much money on me." The bartender says, "If you were at the pub a mile from here, they would of broke your neck." The man says, "I've all ready been there."

Hey Bartender

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says... Five beers please.

Little Bastard

Guy walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender. Reaching into his pants pocket, he pulls out a hundred dollar bill. "Set up everybody in the place!" he shouts. The bartender obliges. Suddenly, a little man jumps out of the guy's pocket, runs down the bar, and kicks all of the drinks, smokes, change, etc on the floor. He runs back and jumps back into the guy's pocket. The Bartender asks what's going on. The guy just reaches back into his pants pocket, pulls out another hundred, and says "just set everybody up again." Bartender obliges once more, suspiciously watching the guy. Once more the little man appears from the guy's shirt pocket. Runs down the bar, breaks the glasses, pitches the napkins into the air, etc. Runs back and jumps into the shirt pocket again. This time the guy buttons the pocket. Bartender says, "explain yourself, or leave." Guy says, "Well... I was walking down the beach one day, and ran across a bottle in the sand. Turns out there is a Genie in the bottle. Gave me 3 wishes! So my first wish was to never run out of cash again. Now every time I reach into my pants pocket there is a hundred dollar bill! Second wish was to never be lonely again. Went back to my apartment and there waiting for me were 3 of the most beautiful supermodels you have ever seen, all willing to do whatever I desired from them!" "Third wish... I wished for a 6 inch prick, and THIS IS THE LITTLE BASTARD I GOT!!!"