Gremlin

This guy walks into a pub with a gremlin sitting on his shoulder. He sits at the bar and orders a pint and a half of lager. The gremlin downs his half-pint, runs along the bar, dips his head in a blokes beer and goes, "Brrr!". The guy orders another pint and a half. The gremlin repeats the performance. The bloke grabs the gremlin by the neck, shakes him up a bit, and says, "Listen, if you ever do that again I'll cut yer balls off!" The gremlin says, "Ain't got none!" "Well, I'll cut off yer prick!" "Ain't got one of them, neither." says the gremlin. "Well, how do ya pee?" The gremlin smiled and said, "Brrr!"

Vampires in a Bar

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down. The first vampire says, "I'd like a pint of blood." The second vampire says, "I'd like a pint of blood, too." Then the third vampire says, "I'd like a pint a plasma." Then the bartender says, "OK, so let me get this straight, you want two bloods and a blood light?"

A Round For The House

A drunk walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." So, the bartender does just that, and hands the man the bill. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street. The very next day, the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." The bartender figures that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt. He pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself, and hands the drunk the bill. Again, the drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street. The next day, the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says, "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink and give me the bill." In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?" The drunk replies, "Nope! You get too violent when you drink."