Yo Mama - Slingshot

Yo mama so ugly her parents had to feed her with a slingshot.

The Old Maid's Burglar

A story I'll tell of a burglar bold who started to rob a house. He opened the window and then crept in as quiet as a mouse. 
He looked around for a place to hide until the folks were asleep. Then he said, , "With all that money I'll be sure to take a quiet sneak. 
"So under the bed the burglar crept; He crept up close to the wall. He didn't know it was an old maid's room or he would have never had the gall.
He thought of the money that he would steal, as under the bed he lay.  But at nine o'clock he saw a sight that made his hair turn gray.
You see at just that time the old maid came in, "I am so tired," was all she said.  She thought all was well that night so she didn't even look under the bed.
She took out her teeth and her big glass eye and the hair from off her head. But the burglar, he had forty fits as he watched from under the bed.
Hidden away the burglar crept, he was a total wreck! The old maid wasn't asleep at all and she grabbed him by the neck.
She didn't holler, or shout or call, she was as cool as a clam. She only said, "The Saints be praised, at last I've got a man!"
From under the pillow a gun she drew, and to the burglar she calmly said, "Young man, if you don't marry me, I'll blow off the top of your head!
"She held him firmly by the neck, he didn't have a chance to scoot. He looked at the teeth and the big glass eye, and said, "Madam, for Pete's sake, shoot!"

Never

Yo mama is so ugly that when Justin Bieber saw her, he said "Never."