Gorilla Chase!

There was a man that owned a giant gorilla and, all its life, he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to go on a business trip and had to leave his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. So he explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six and nine o'clock. But he was never ever, ever to touch its fur. So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, “Why can't I touch its fur?” as there didn't seem to be anything wrong with it. Every day he came in and looked for a little while longer as he still couldn't understand.
About a week later, he'd worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla. He passed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur.  Suddenly the gorilla went ape shit and started to jump around.  Then it turned and began running towards the man who, in turn, ran through the front door, over the lawn, across the street, into some one else's sports car and drove off. In the rear-view mirror, he could see the gorilla in its own sports car, driving right behind him. He drove for two hours until the engine began to splutter and the car just stopped. He jumped out and began to run down the street, over a brick wall, into someone's front garden and up the apple tree. He turned around to find the gorilla right behind him beating its chest. The man jumped down and ran back in to the street screaming, until it became dark and he thought he'd lost the gorilla. The man ran into an alleyway then, suddenly, he saw a giant shadow coming down the street ahead. The gorilla! It came to the end of the alley, stood and looked straight into the bloodshot eyes of the man and came towards him slowly. This time there was no escape. As the gorilla neared him, the man began to feel faint. The giant beast came face to face with him, raised its mighty hand and said, “Tag! You're it!”

Lucky Frogs

Q: Why is a frog luckier than a cat?
A: Because a frog croaks all the time but a cat only gets to croak nine times!

Ran Over a Skunk

Jim and Lena were driving around the countryside when they ran over a skunk. "We better take the skunk to the vet, Lena. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm." "But, Jim, what about the smell?" "Don't worry, Lena. The skunk will get used to it."