Sky Noise

Radar: "Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees. "Pilot: "Roger, but we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?" Radar: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it hits a 747?"

What to Wear

Three large black ladies were getting ready to take a plane trip for the very first time. The first lady said, "I don't know bout y'all, but I'm gunna put me on sum hot pink panties beefo' I gets on dat plane." "Why you gonna wear dem fo?" the other two asked. The first replied, "Cause, if dat plane goes down and I'm out dare laying butt-up in a conefield, dey gonna find me first."
The second lady said, "Well, then I'm a-gonna wear me some Floe resant orange panties." "Why you gonna wear dem?" the others asked. The second lady answered, "Cause if dis hare plane is goin' down and I be floating butt-up in the oshun, dey can see me first."
The third lady says, "Well, I aint gonna wear no panties." "What No panties?" the others asked in disbelief. " Dat's right girlfriends, you hears me right. I ain't wearing no panties cos, honey, dey always look for da black box first."

Southwest Airlines

From a Southwest Airlines employee...."Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 995, to Phoenix. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."