A New Tearful Bride

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him." "Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding." "No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!" "Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom. "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars." "No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?" "Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said - 'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska!"

Airport Bar

A guy sitting at a bar in Chicago O'hare noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant.
But which airline does she work for?" Hoping to gain her attention, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta Slogan, "Love to fly and it shows?"
She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, "Nope, not Delta."
A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused look.
He mentally kicked himself, and scratched American Airlines off the list. Next he tried the Southwest slogan, "Low fares, nothing to hide?"
This time the woman savagely turned on him, "What the fuck do you want?"
The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said.... "Ahhh, United Airlines!"

United Airlines Menu

Q: Did you hear about the new menu selections on United flights?
A: They now offer Chinese take-out.