College Students

A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have. He says, "A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse." One student stands up and says, "Professor, either you don't know how to fuck, or I don't know how to shit."

You Know You're a Teacher If...

• You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
• You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to have all your holidays and summers free."
• You believe "shallow gene pool" should have it's own box on the report card.
• You believe the staff room should have a Valium salt lick.
• When out in public, you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.
• When you mention "vegetables" and you're not talking about a food group.
• You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
• You wonder how some parents even managed to reproduce.
• You can't have children of your own, because there is no name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it.
• You really encourage an obnoxious parent to check into home schooling.

Visit to the Brothel

A horny young man went to a brothel... The lady at the counter asked him what his choice would be. The man wanted to know what was available. Madam, "On the first floor, we have the ex-models... they are all slinky and sexy... On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses... they are all buxom and beautiful... On the third floor, we have our ex-teachers.... they..." Man, "Say no more! Lead me to the third floor." Madam, "Are you sure... I'm surprised that you would prefer ex-teachers to ex-models and ex-actresses." Man, "It's obvious, ma'am, teachers always make you do a thing over and over again, until you're perfect at it."