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Word Play Jokes - Lawyer Jokes
Get Away with Murder
Two prisoners are talking about their crimes:
George: "I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years"
Herman: "Hmm. I killed a man, and I'm here for 3 days"
George: "*WHAT*??? I rob a bank and get 20 years; you kill a man and get 3 days???"
Herman: "Yeah, it was a lawyer."
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Clever Farmer
This big lawyer from the city was watching Duck Dynasty on A&E and decided that duck hunting might be just the thing he needed to relieve his stress. He drove out to the country and spotted a bunch of ducks in a pond. He quickly stopped his car, got out his shotgun and managed to shoot one of the ducks. A farmer ran out of a nearby building upon hearing the shot and screams at the lawyer, "Hey you can't shoot that duck on my property. That duck belongs to me. Hand it over!" The lawyer says, 'Hell no I shot him so I get to keep him!" The farmer suggests they settle it 'country style' (which is to kick each other in the nuts till the other one falls over). The farmer goes first and slams the lawyer with a nice hard stiff kick. Upon receiving the kick, the lawyer damn near collapses from the pain. The lawyer managed to regain his balance and stuttered, "Its my turn." The farmer looked at him with a smirk and said "aw Hell, keep the damn duck!"
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Accountant, Lawyer, and Cowboy at a Urinal
In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer, and a cowboy were standing side by side using the urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up, and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands, clear up to his elbows. He used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan, and they taught us to be clean." The lawyer finished, zipped up, and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of California, and they taught us to be environmentally conscious." The cowboy zipped up, and as he was walking out the door, he said, "I graduated from Texas Tech University, and they taught us not to piss on our hands."
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