A Forester And A Lawyer

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together. St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homes where they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter's holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, "here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy!"  And "if there is anything you need, just let me know." Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says "Here you go" and goes to leave when the forester says "Wait a minute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?" St. Peter says: "Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before."

The Bunny and the Snake

Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.  One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.  "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."  "It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and find out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."  "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny.
So the snake slithered all over the bunny and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."  "Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."So the bunny felt the snake all over and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery and you have a forked tongue, no backbone, and no balls. I'd say you must be French".

Tell the Whole Truth

"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?" "Well, your Honor," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."