Weather Warning

Southerners are urged not to travel unless absolutely necessary.
Northerners: You will need your big coat.

Forecast

The forecast calls for a wintry mix followed by a warming trend of you in my hot tub.

Winter Weather Alert

(Name of your town) News: If you are inside right now then it is advised you do not go out. There have been reports of ICES in our town. First they were spotted on our bridges, now ICES have gotten to our roads. For those that still plan on leaving their houses, the only gun that will work on ICES is a salt rifle. Also, watch out for black ICES which are known to be more dangerous than regular ICES. Stay tuned for more updates.