The 3 Holes

A guy's car breaks down in the middle of town, and he looks for a hotel to stay in while he waits for his car to be fixed. He finds a very small hotel and walks in.
He asks the man at the counter, "Do you have any rooms available?"
The man at the counter says, "Yeah, but don't stick your dick in the 3 holes."
"OK." The guy agrees and walks to his room. A couple of days go by and his car is still in the shop. He gets curious and sticks his dick in the first hole. He says, "Ahh, that feels good!" Then he sticks his dick in the second hole, "Ahh, that feels even better!" Then he sticks his dick in the third hole, "OUCH!! My dick!!" He quickly pulled his dick out and it was all bloody. He was very confused, but he went to sleep.
The next day he went to the counter to see what was in the holes, but before he could ask anything the man at the counter said, "You stuck your dick in the three holes didn't you?"
He said, "Yeah, how did you know?"
The man at the counter said, "Well, my wife is pregnant, my daughter is pregnant, and my pencil sharpener is broken.

Perfect Customer

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."