Starfleet Answering Machine

Thank you for calling Starfleet Command. No starships are in the quadrant at this time, so at the sound of the subspace tone, tell us your name, the planet you are calling from, and how many Klingons are attacking. 

Answering Machine - Escape

I once had a little white phone, That would ring when it was alone. Then I got a tape, For when I escape, So please leave your name at the tone. 

Answering Machine - Type Message

Hello, you have reached 555-1234. Our voice mail system is currently experiencing difficulties, so at the tone, please type your message on the keypad using the appropriate letters, and press the pound sign when finished.