The AOL Car

The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots of pretty colors and lights. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months. If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them. The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones. AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships. AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair. Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun. It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo. AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage. Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age? It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner. AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are. AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them. Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye."

Some Whimsical Sayings

• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
• There 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
• Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
• Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
• Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
• A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
• For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
• I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
• The beatings will continue until morale improves.
• I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
• Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
• Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
• Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
• There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
• I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
• A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
• I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
• Don't be so open-minded your brains will fall out.
• If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
• Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
• Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
• If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
• If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
• It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
• Help Wanted: Telepathy. You know where to apply.
• Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
• Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
• Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
• Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
• Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
• Dain bramaged.
• Department of Redundancy Department
• What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWLC:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN<-------- The information went data way -------->Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
• The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
• BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
• The name is Baud...... James Baud.
• Access denied--nah nah na na

The Top Signs That Your Net Relationship Is Over

• All of a sudden, she's typing in a different font.
• Instead of hearing that lovely "You've Got Mail" statement when you use America OnLine, you hear "You Just Got Dumped!"
• Your connection to his server is constantly refused.
• You get a Dear John E-mail... Your name is Fred.
• They no longer have access to a computer due to a recent parole.
• She starts ending each sentence with only 1 exclamation mark instead of the usual 3!!!
• She tells you that she's been working a lot. You think it's a professional job, it turns out that she was responsible for the decorations at her Jr High prom.
• During an intimate moment in a chat room, she reveals herself to be GRANDMA!!