12 Step Program of Recovery for Web Addicts

12 Step Program of Recovery for Web Addicts

1. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Web.
2. I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3. I will get dressed before noon.
4. I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.
5. I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.
6. I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
7. I will read a book... if I still remember how.
8. I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
9. I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10. I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.
12. Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime ... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!

AOL As a City

If AOL Were A City...

• You'd live in a place where no two people had the same name.
• You'd only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck.
• Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you'd be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps offering you great AOL 14.4 modems for only $399.99.
• The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic knocks you back into your yard.
• The local post office would tell your mother you're not a known resident.
• The local post office won't forward your mail to you when you move.
• If you saw a crime and called 911, they'd reply a week later with a form letter saying how you "really are important to us."
• Every time you went shopping, you'd be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming, "WE'RE SORRY, THIS STORE IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE."
• Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license tag and laugh at you, behind your back.
• You'd occasionally be sent home during your day by another bouncer telling you that the city has performed an illegal operation.
• You'd not have any idea who your neighbors are, and most new arrivals would move in at night, stuff everyone's mailbox with garbage, and vacate before sun-up.
• The administration would build a huge, state of the art park, and allow the kids to play there free, then suddenly start demanding money. 

Blonde's Internet Down

A blonde complains to a brunette friend that her Internet is down. The brunette friend offers to let the blonde check her e-mail at her house. "That's Okay," says the blonde. "Why don't you check it and forward me what I got?"