One Wish Fishing

Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp floating in the water. One of the men picked it up and rubbed it, causing a genie to explode from the lamp. Unfortunately, it was a very low-level genie and could only grant one wish. The men thought for a few minutes and then wished for the entire lake to be made of the best beer in the world. With a poof! the wish was granted. All of a sudden, one of the men got really angry. "Dammit! Now we have to piss in the boat!"

American Businessman

An American businessman travels to Mexico on a company-paid trip for a little R&R. One of the nights he and his co-workers hit the local bar, where he order the tilapa fish tacos, and the man swears these are the best tacos he's ever had in his life. He gets an idea and asks to see the chef, who turns out to be a middle-aged local with no understanding of English. While one of his friends translates, the businessman explains his idea.
"These tacos are the best I've ever had. You could really grow a business out of this. What do you do all day?"
After the translations are finished, the local replies, "I fish every day in the mornings, then spend the rest of the day with my family. My wife and I prepare the fish together, and I play with my kids. In the evening, I cook a few meals for some extra money so I can go fishing again."
The businessman scoffs and cuts the air with his hand. "You have it all wrong, mi amigo! Here's what you need to do: First, hire a bunch of others to do your fishing for you. You and your wife get cooking all day, everyday. Make a name for yourself and hire more people to sell your product to all the restaurants in the area until you're a local name. Then open your own place, work hard day and night and make it a success then open another and another, delegating and training more people to take over sections of the business. Grow and expand into other towns, invest in advertising, eventually open up a franchise and go international! At the height of your business, sell it! You'll make a fortune."
The local waits for the translation, thinks carefully, then asks, "and what would I do with this fortune?"
The business laughs and replies, "Whatever you want! You could go finishing everyday, spend all the time with your family, cooking with your wife, playing with your kids . . . "

Some Stupid People

A man buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for $30,000+ and has $400.00+ in monthly payments. He's pretty proud of this rig and gets ahold of his friend to do some male bonding with the new ride. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to the lake with their guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the ice. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area to attract ducks - something the decoys will float on.
Remember it's all ice and in order to make a hole large enough to interest a flock of ducks to land on, they needed to use a little more than an ice hole drill. So, out of the back of the brand-new Jeep Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40-second fuse. Now to their credit, these two rocket scientists DID take into consideration that if they placed the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they (and the new Grand Cherokee) would be waiting and ran back quickly, they would risk slipping on the ice as they ran from the imminent explosion and could possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. After a little deliberation, they come up with lighting and THROWING the dynamite, which is what they end up doing. Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the beer, the guns AND THE DOG????  Yes, the dog. The driver's pet Black Lab (used for retrieving - especially things thrown by the owner). You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice, reaching the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice - all to the woe of the two idiots which are now yelling, stomping, waving arms and wondering what the hell to do now. The dog is happy and now heads back toward the "hunters" with the stick of dynamite. I think we all can picture the ever-increasing concern on the part of the brain trust, as the loyal Labrador Retriever approaches.
The Bozos now are REALLY waving their arms - yelling even louder and generally feeling kinda panicked. Finally one of the guys decides to think - (something that neither had done before this moment) grabs a shotgun and shoots the dog. This sounds better than it really is, because the shotgun was loaded with #8 duck shot and hardly effective enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog DID stop for a moment, slightly confused, but then continued on. Another shot, and this time the dog (still standing) became REALLY confused and of course scared. Thinking that these two Nobel Prize Winners have gone TOTALLY INSANE, the pooch takes off to find cover with a now extremely short fuse still burning on the stick of dynamite. The cover the dogs finds? Underneath the brand new Grand Cherokee worth 30-some thousand dollars the $400.00+ monthly payment vehicle that is sitting nearby on the lake ice. BOOM!  Dog dies, vehicle sinks to the bottom of lake, and these two "Co-Leaders of the Known Universe" are left standing there with this "I can't EVEN believe this happened to me" look on their faces. Later, the owner of the vehicle calls his insurance company and is promptly informed that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT covered on his policy.  He had yet to make his first car payment.