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Religion Jokes - Nun / Priest Jokes
Two Irishmen Digging A Ditch
Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel. Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. "Ah, will you look at that?" One ditch digger said. "What's our world comin' to when men of th' cloth are visitin' such places?" A short time later, a Protestant minister walked up to the door and quietly slipped inside. "Do you believe that?" The workman exclaimed. "Why, 'tis no wonder th' young people today are so confused, what with the example clergymen set for them." After an hour went by, the men watched as a Catholic priest quickly entered the whore house. "Ah, what a pity," the digger said, leaning on his shovel. "One of th' poor lasses must be ill."
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The Nun and the Fortune Teller
This nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. When she looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So she thought to herself "I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me". So she went over to the machine and she put her nickel in and card came out and it said, "You're a nun you weigh 128 lbs and you're going to Chicago, Illinois". So she sat back down and thought about it, she thought to herself "it probably tells everyone the same thing, I'm going try it again". So she went over to the machine again and put her nickel in it, a card came out and said, "you're a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you're going to Chicago, Ill. and you're going to play a fiddle." She said to herself I know that's wrong I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life. She sat back down and this Cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down she picked up the fiddle and just started playing beautiful music. She looked back at the machine and said "this is incredible I've got to try it again." So she went back to the machine, put her nickel in and another card came out and it said, "you're a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you're going to Chicago Ill. and you're going to break wind." She thinks "I know it's wrong now I've never broke wind in public a day in my life, well she tripped and fell off the scales and FARTED like a bay mule. So she sat back down and looked at the machine once again. She said to herself this is truly unbelievable, I've got to try it again. She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and a card came out and said, "you're a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you're going to Chicago Ill. and your going to have sex." She said "ah-hah that does it. I know for sure its wrong now, I'm a nun, ain't ever had none, and ain't ever gonna get none." Well a huge electrical storm came through and the electricity went off and she got raped... She sat back down and thought about it for few minutes and then said this is truly, truly, incredible. But one thing is for certain, I've got to try it again just to see what is gonna happen to me before I leave this airport. She went over to the machine put her nickel in and a card came out and it said. "You're a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you have fiddled, farted, fucked around and missed your flight to Chicago!!!!!!!"
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Answering Machine - Confessional Hotline
Thank you for calling the Confessional Hotline. Father Durway's not here right now, but if you'll leave your name, number, and confession at the tone, he'll get back to you with absolution as soon as possible. And remember, confession doesn't count unless you confess all of your sins in vivid, graphic detail!
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