$10,000 For a Kiss

One day, this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look.
Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor's house, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door. "Excuse me", our man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing how beautiful your wife is."
"Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied.
"Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those breasts."
The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife appears and stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for a few moments. Finally, they return and ask our friend to step inside. "OK," the husband says gruffly, "for ten thousand dollars you can kiss my wife's tits."
At this, the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects of desire hang free at last. Our man takes one in each hand, and proceeds to rub his face against them in total ecstasy. This goes on for several minutes, until the husband gets annoyed.
"Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" he growls.
"I can't" replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away.
"Why not?" demands the husband, getting really angry now.
"I don't have ten thousand dollars!"

Sex Signals

Lisa complained to her friend Suzie how she sometimes found it difficult to initiate sex with her husband. "I know a simple trick,” Suzie said. “Whenever I want to have sex with Ralph, I gently put my hand on his dick and say, "Your dick is very cold, do you want me to warm it up for you?" And that's it! Works every time!
Lisa was impressed and said she would try it when her husband got home that night. When they met the next day, Suzie asked how it went. Lisa immediately started crying. “We’re getting a divorce!” she sobbed. “What? What happened?” Suzie asked concerned. “I tried to do your trick, but as I laid my hand on his dick, it was actually quite warm. I didn’t know what to say, so I asked him, "Why isn't your dick cold, like Ralph’s?”

Must Pay

Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I'm coming to live with you." Mom replied, no no my daughter, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to stay with you.