Hillbilly Threesome

A city girl was driving back to town after attending a family funeral when she ran out of gas. It was getting late so she asked two good ol' boys sitting on the stoop of a mobile home where she could get some gas. "Well," said one, "the fillin' station ain't open 'till tomorrie, but I reckon you kin stay the night with me & Billy-Bob here." She accepted, only to be told that there was only one bed, which both Billy-Bob & Billy-Ray slept in. Thinking it might be fun, she went ahead anyway. When all three of them were all tucked in, they were just about to jump her bones when she halted proceedings. Pulling out two condoms, she said, "You nice boys wouldn't want me to get pregnant, would you? Here, put these on." They did. The three of them proceeded to have the time of their lives. In the morning the car got gassed up and our girl went back to the city. Three months later, Billy-Bob and Billy-Ray were sitting on the stoop, chewin' on some RedMan. "D'ya remember that city girl who stopped by here a while back?" asked Billy-Ray. "Ah sure do," said Billy-Bob, with a smirk. "D'ya really care if she gets pregnant?" "Nah," said Billy-Bob. "Well, lets get these STUPID things off of our dicks!"

Redneck One - Liners Extended

You might be a Redneck if...

• You don't think the Ewoks are primitive.
• You think an AT-AT looks like a giant cow.
• You don't think Jabba's pig guards have a hygiene problem.
• The Rancor monster refused to eat you.
• You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
• You think the stock market has a fence around it.
• Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
• Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
• Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
• You burn your yard rather than mow it.
• You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
• Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.
• You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial. 

You Might Be A Redneck If...

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.