Decisions, Decisions

If you came across a capsized boat with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing them or getting a Pulitzer Prize-winning photograph, what shutter speed would you use?

Show Me The Money!

1. A fool and his money are asked to go everywhere!
2. A fool and his money are soon elected.
3. A fool and his money are soon popular.
4. A fool and his money is my kind of customer!
5. If money's the root of all evil, why do churches want it?
6. All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy.
7. Come to Florida, bring money, BUT GET THE HECK OFF OUR BEACH!
8. Even the blind can see money.
9. Expert - Someone who knows less, but makes more money.
10. It's not the money I want, it's the stuff.
11. Life is a game. Money is how we keep score.
12. Money burns a hole in my pocket... how about yours?
13. Money is like an arm or leg, use it or lose it.
14. Money is the root of all bills.
15. Money may buy "friendship," but it cannot buy love.
16. Money Talks - and it usually says NO!!
17. Never forget a friend, especially if he owes you money.
18. Political Motto: I had some morals; sold them for money.
19. This country has the best politicians money can buy.
20. Time and Money. Two things we don't have enough of....
21. Turbo-Tax took money out of my Quicken directory.
22. Visit your money this year - vacation in Washington D.C.
23. When money talks, it usually says "Bend over."
24. You infernal machine! Give me a soda or my money back!
25. Alimony? ... sounds kind like all your money
26. No one kills over drugs ... They kill over money.
27. Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.

Clinton in Hell

One day in the future, Bill Clinton has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves."
Clinton thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No," Bill said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
So the devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Bill.
The devil opened a third door. In it, Clinton saw Jesse Jackson lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Clinton took this in in disbelief and finally said, "Yea, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you're free to go!"