Lighting the Way

An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor asks him, "So how has life been treating you?" The old man replies, "The Lord's been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when I'm finished, He turns the light off." While the old woman is with the doctor, the doctor told her what her husband said. She replied, "Damn it! The old fart's been pissing in the refrigerator again!"

Ladies Man

The elderly man flattered himself that he was still a ladies? man, and decided to flirt with the beautiful waitress. "So tell me, sweetheart, where have you been all my life?" he crooned. "Actually, sir," she pointed out, "for the first 45 years of it, I wasn't even born yet."

Age Difference

What is the difference between girls aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?
At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!