Didn't See That Coming

A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. He yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle. "More!" he cries again. They heave out a missile, and the pilot regains control. He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep and drive off. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the road who's crying. They ask him why he's crying and he says "A pistol hit me on the head!" They drive more and meet another boy who's crying even harder. Again they ask why and the boy says, "A rifle hit me on the head!" They apologize and keep driving. They meet a boy on the sidewalk who's laughing hysterically. They ask him, "Kid, what's so funny?" The boy replies, "I sneezed and a house blew up!"

A Captain's Red Shirt

The first mate asks the ship captain why he always wears a red shirt to fight off pirates. The captain replies, "It keeps the men brave. If I get wounded, you won't see the blood, and you'll keep on fighting." The next day, a fleet of pirate ships appear on the horizon. The first mate says, "Get me my brown pants!"

Corporal Conroy and the Pay Phone...

Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn't have change for a dollar.  He saw Private Duncan mopping the base's corridor floors and asked him, "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"  Private Duncan replied, "Sure."  The Corporal turned red. He said, "That's no way to address a superior officer! Now let's try it again. Private, do you have change for a dollar?"  Private Duncan replied, "No, SIR!"