Insult Jokes - Stupid Insults

Stupid Insults

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
An XT clone in a Pentium zone.
Another engineering prototype that should not have been shipped.
Answers the door when the phone rings.
Any slower and he'd be in reverse.
As a baby his parents stood him on his soft spot.
As bent as a corkscrew.
As bright as a nightlight / small appliance bulb / tulip bulb.
As happy as if he had brains.
As happy as the village idiot.
As much use as a back pocket in a vest.
As much use as a lead parachute.
As quick as a corpse.
As rare as a nine bob note.
As sharp as a marble / bowling ball / beach ball / pin head / wet sponge / bowl of Jello / mashed potato sandwich, and twice as smart.
As sharp as a sack full of wet mice.
As smart as a politician/lawyer is honest.
As smart as bait / an automatic email responder script.
As smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly.
As thick as champ.
As thick as two short planks / two half bricks.
As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.
Attic's a little dusty.
Back burners not fully operating.
Bad spot on the disk.
Baler done run out of twine.
Bandwidth limited.
Barney's his hero.
Bats have flown the belfry, and now he's all alone.
Bats in the belfry.

Categories: Insult Jokes (Stupid Insults)

Anonymous

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Categories: Insult Jokes (Stupid Insults) , Word Play Jokes

Anonymous

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

"That race was all about competition." - David Coleman, ITV
"And I can see the strong wind blowing the sun towards us." - Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3
Mark Goodier: What's the name of the company you work for? Listener: Mining and Engineering Services. Mark Goodier: So, what kind of work do they do; is it mining and engineering services? - BBC Radio 1
"Marling - unbeaten in her three victories." Peter O'Sullivan, BBC2 TV
" Both drivers are fundamentally wearing white helmets." James Hunt, BBC2 TV
"A church spire nestling among the trees... there's probably a church there too." - Richie Benaud, BBC2 TV

Categories: Ads & Newspapers (Bad Slogans) , Insult Jokes (Stupid Insults)

Anonymous