Yo Mama - Scale Talk

Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time, please."

Punishment

Q: Mom, why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons?
A: I don't want the neighbors to think I'm employing corporal punishment, dear

Back Yard

A husband and wife were in their back yard when he was noticed her expanding backside. He commented, "Boy, your ass is getting big. Almost as big as the gas grill here."
She angrily stomped across the yard, and he followed saying, "Yep, that thing is getting huge." At this, the wife retreated to the far side of the yard. Soon he approached with a tapemeasure, acquired the width, and exclaimed, "It IS as big as the gas grill!"
Later that night when they were in bed, the husband started making moves on his wife. She just turned away. "C'mon, honey," he said, "what's wrong?"
Her cold reply was, "I'm not firing up this grill for just one little weiner!"