Breakin

Thieves broke into my house and stole everything except my soap.
Dirty bastards.

Got Nuts

A girl walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts. The guy says, "No, ma'am." She says, "That's alright... do you have any dates?" He replies, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?"

You Might Be A Redneck 48

You might be a redneck if...

• You have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.
• Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than grandpa.
• Your masseuse uses lard.
• Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
• You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.
• On stag night, you take a real deer.
• Your back porch is bigger than your house.
• There is more oil in your cap than in your car.
• You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
• A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.