Stupid Insults

• An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
• An XT clone in a Pentium zone.
• Another engineering prototype that should not have been shipped.
• Answers the door when the phone rings.
• Any slower and he'd be in reverse.
• As a baby his parents stood him on his soft spot.
• As bent as a corkscrew.
• As bright as a nightlight / small appliance bulb / tulip bulb.
• As happy as if he had brains.
• As happy as the village idiot.
• As much use as a back pocket in a vest.
• As much use as a lead parachute.
• As quick as a corpse.
• As rare as a nine bob note.
• As sharp as a marble / bowling ball / beach ball / pin head / wet sponge / bowl of Jello / mashed potato sandwich, and twice as smart.
• As sharp as a sack full of wet mice.
• As smart as a politician/lawyer is honest.
• As smart as bait / an automatic email responder script.
• As smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly.
• As thick as champ.
•  As thick as two short planks / two half bricks.
• As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.
• Attic's a little dusty.
• Back burners not fully operating.
• Bad spot on the disk.
• Baler done run out of twine.
• Bandwidth limited.
• Barney's his hero.
• Bats have flown the belfry, and now he's all alone.
• Bats in the belfry.

Your Point of View

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Idiots In Food Service

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.