Attorney questioning

Scene: A courtroom where a witness is testifying in a case involving a man biting off the ear of another man during a fight. After supplying testimony which was very bad for the defendant, the witness was being cross examined by the defendant's attorney.
Attorney: You said that you saw the defendant and the plaintiff in a fight?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: You then said that you were concerned for your safety and that, because of this concern, you sought shelter elsewhere?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: You further stated that during this time of seeking shelter, you turned your back to the fight at hand?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And THEN you testified that that was when the defendant bit off the plaintiff's ear??!!
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: Well, that makes for an interesting question then!  If your back was turned to the fight then you obviously MUST have had the plaintiff and the defendant out of your field of vision, correct?
Witness: Yes, correct.
Attorney: Well then, did you SEE the defendant bite off the plaintiff's ear?
Witness: No.
Attorney: (Smugly) THEN HOW DO YOU "KNOW" THAT THE DEFENDANT BIT OFF THE EAR OF THE PLAINTIFF IF YOU DID NOT SEE HIM DO IT??!!
Witness: I saw him spit it out. (Dead Silence)
Attorney: No more questions.

Seashore with the Family

A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family.  Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted. "Darling, it was just a shark," assured his wife when he came to. "You've got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere."

Learning a Lesson

A prominent lawyer's son dreamed of following in his father's footsteps. After graduating from college and law school with honors, he returned home to join his father's firm, intent on proving himself to be a skilled and worthy attorney.
At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, father! The Smith case, that you always said would go on forever -- the one you have been toiling on for ten years -- in one single day, I settled that case and saved the client a fortune!"
His father frowned, and scolded his son, "I did not say that it would go on forever, son. I said that it could go on forever. When you saw me toiling on that case for days and weeks at a time, didn't it ever occur to you that I was billing by the hour?"