Bumper Stickers

• I love animals, they taste great.
• EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
• "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
• Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
• The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
• Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
• He who laughs last thinks slowest!
• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
• A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. 

Actual Signs

• Sign in a realtor's office: "Lots for little."
• Sign in a shoe store: "Come in and have a fit."
• Sign in a maternity clothes store: "We are open on labor day."
• Sign in a non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
• Sign on the door of the maternity ward: "Push Push Push."
• Sign at entrance of the IRS: "Watch your step."
• Sign at the exit of the IRS: "Watch your mouth."
• Sign in a bookstore: "We treat you write."
• Sign on a front door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."

Bumper Sticker Variety

Where there's a will...I want to be on it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill it.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.
Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Eschew obfuscation.