Newspaper Clipping

• Washer. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed -- $100.
• Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowy days.
• Free puppies. Part German Shepherd, part dog.
• Cows, calves never bred. Also, one gay bull for sale.
• Free puppies: part Cocker Spaniel, part sneaky neighbor's dog.
• Full-sized mattress. 20-year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.
• Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat. Been out for a while. Better be reward.
• Nice parachute. Never opened. Used once. Slightly stained.
• Free Yorkshire Terrier. Eight years old. Unpleasant little dog.
• Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour.

What is SWM?

Q:  What does SWM stand for in a personal column advertisement?
A:  Sneaking While Married.

Real Advertisements

(Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.)

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Great Dames for sale. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself?  Let me do it.
Dog for sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.
Vacation Special: Have your home exterminated.
If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery.  It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.