Desperate Blonde

A depressed young blonde was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."  Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?", the Captain asked.  "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," the blonde explained. "He's feeding me, taking me to Europe and screwing me." "He sure is, lady... This is the Staten Island Ferry!"

Rabbi Trouble

The Rabbi rose with a red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Jewish community cannot tolerate! I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and our Jewish community." No one moved. The Rabbi continued, "Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel relief. Now stand and confess your transgression!" Again all was quiet. Slowly a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose in the third pew. Her head was bowed, and her voice quivered as she spoke. "Rabbi, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan, I just told a couple of friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

Fresh Cut Sod

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck loaded with freshly-cut rolls of sod drove by. One of the blondes watched the truck then said,  " I'm going to do that when I win the lottery." " Do what?" asked the other blonde. "Send my lawn out to be mowed."