Night Court

At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge.The judge said, "State your name, occupation, and the charge."The defendant said, "I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician, charged with battery." The judge winced and said, "Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!"

Unfit Words to Hear

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. "Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them," instructed the lawyer. The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear," she protested.
"Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."

You Be the Judge!

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.  The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.  The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.  After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"