Telephone Company Productivity

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead team were sent out to install telephone poles for the Telephone Company. After the first day, the brunette team had installed 30 poles, the redhead team had installed 37 poles, and the blonde team had installed 7. The contractor was outraged with the blonde team and demanded to know why they had done so few. "Hey, we saw what the other teams were doing. Their's were still sticking out of the ground."

Answering Machine - Its Dark

(Slight echo as if spoken in a large underground cave:) Help me, please help me. I'm down here in the thing you're holding in your hand. I can't get out because my leg is broken and my hand is stuck between two wires. Wait, what's that in the dark? OH NO, not a... a... a... Oh no, it IS! (Crunching noise.) 

Answering Machine - Matt & Steve

Steve: Hello. Steve and Matt aren't here right now, but if... Matt: Steve, what are you doing? Steve: I'm leaving a phone message since we aren't here. Matt: But you left the last one -- it's my turn. Steve: No, I'm sure it's my turn. Matt: No, you're wrong. It's definitely my turn. Steve: You fool, I know it's... Wait... Matt... What are you doing with that frying pan? (BONK... THUD) Matt: Steve is out right now, so please leave your name and number.