Louisiana Heritage

A few clues to being a true Louisianan:

• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
• "Vacation" means going to the family reunion.
• You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
• You measure distance in minutes.
• You know several people who have hit a deer.
• Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
• Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
• You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
• You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
• Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
• You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.
• You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
• You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
• All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.
• You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
• You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
• You carry jumper cables in your car.
• You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
• You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
• You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
• You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
• The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
• You think that deer season is a national holiday.
• You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."
• You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and Christmas.
• You know if another Louisianan is from southern, middle, or northern Louisiana as soon as they open their mouth.
• There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
• You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good gumbo weather.

Mega Moron Awards

MEGA MORON AWARDS
Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera).
Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
New York: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes Officer..that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.