Stupid Insults

Not an idiot, but plays one in his life.
Not as dumb as he looks, but that would be impossible.
Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us.
Not done evolving yet.
Not enough brain cells for the Prozac to be effective.
Not enough brains to get anywhere NEAR the gutter.
Not enough change to break a dollar/pound/deutschmark/yen.
Not enough sense to come in out of the rain.
Not enough sense to stay out in the rain. (Like a 60's flower child.)
Not firing on all four/six/eight cylinders. Not firmly seated in the socket / screwed in tight.
Not hard-docked.
Not inflated to 90 PSI. Not Intel Inside. (Or, given Pentium problems, just: Intel inside.)
Not much to show for four billion years of evolution.
Not only rude, but ugly too.
Not playing with / dealing from a full deck (-- not even in the game).
Not running on full thrusters.
Not shooting pool on a level table.
Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree / light in the harbor.
Not the full quid.
Not the same since they took him off his medication.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer / tool in the shed.
Not Turing equivalent.
Not wrapped too tight.
Nothing between the stethoscopes.
Nothing on her radar.
Numb as a post / pounded thumb.
Number 'n a hake. (A notoriously stupid fish - New England expression)
Nutty as a fruitcake.

The Way You Say It

On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: "Time stands still when I look into your eyes." The girl was very flattered. What the boy had really meant was, "You have a face that would stop a clock."

Descriptions Of People You May Know

Some useful descriptions of people you may come into contact with from day to day.

• He got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
• He's got a room temperature IQ.
• He has a photographic memory, but he left the lens cover on.
• He's prime candidate for natural de-selection.
• He's as bright as Alaska in December.
• During evolution, his ancestors were in the control group.
• He fell out of the family tree.
• The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
• He has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
• He's so dense, the light bends around him.
• If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
• If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
• It's hard to believe that he beat 100,000 other sperm.
• Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
• It takes him an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes".
• He's one burger short of a happy meal.