Two Kinds of Lawyers

There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.

A Forester And A Lawyer

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together. St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homes where they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter's holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, "here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy!"  And "if there is anything you need, just let me know." Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says "Here you go" and goes to leave when the forester says "Wait a minute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?" St. Peter says: "Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before."

Keep That A Secret

After many years of hard work, Joe rewarded himself with a long, luxurious stay at an exclusive caribbean resort.  While relaxing on the beach, he was surprised to see a former high school classmate who he hadn't seen since they graduated. His old friend had been something of a "burnout" in high school, and this was the last place Joe expected to see him. Joe approached the man, and seized his hand. "Pete, it's Joe. From high school. It's sure been a long time. You look great! You must really be doing okay for yourself." "I am," whispered Pete. "I am a partner with a very successful law firm. But don't tell mother. She got the idea that I was a drug dealer back when I was in high school, and she would be terribly disappointed if she figured out how I really make my money."