The Preacher And The Donkey

A preacher who wanted to raise money for his church was told there was a fortune in horse racing, so he decided to buy a horse and enter it in a race. However, at the local auction the going price for horses was so steep that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured, however, that since he had it he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, in the first race his donkey came in second. The next day the racing sheets carried this headline:
PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
The preacher was so pleased that he entered the donkey in another race. This time it won and the paper said:
PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The new headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
This was too much for the bishop and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the animal. The preacher gave it to a nun in a nearby convent. The headline the next day said:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The bishop fainted. He told the nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who would take it off her hands for $10.00. The paper said:
NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS
...They buried the bishop the next day.

Real News Headlines

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

• Bible Church's focus is the Bible.
• Saint Augustine Record, Florida, December 3, 1994 Clinton pledges restraint in use of nuclear weapons.
• Cedar Rapids Gazette, April 6 Discoveries: Older blacks have edge in longevity.
• The Chicago Tribune, March 5 Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear.
• Journal of Commerce, April 20 Biting nails can be sign of tenseness in a person.
• The Daily Gazette of Schenectady, New York, May 2 Lack of brains hinders research.
• The Columbus Dispatch, April 16 How we feel about ourselves is the core of self-esteem, says author Louise Hart.
• Boulder, Colorado, Sunday Camera, February 5 Fish lurk in streams.
• Rochester, New York, Democrat + Chronicle, January 29.

Bees Pay a Visit

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Patterson, New Jersey  When 60-year-old Al Asbaty returned to his car after shopping, he was startled to find that thousands of bees were building a hive inside his Oldsmobile. Due to the sunny and warm weather, he had left the windows rolled down, allowing a queen bee to fly in, followed by about 20,000 of her most faithful servants. Just as one of Asbaty's relatives was about to spray the inside of the car with a can of insecticide, police bee expert Tom Fuscalo arrived and managed to coax the insects into an artificial hive.